Full Time Homemaker, Full Time Employee

It's 7am. A deafening sound pierces through the silence. The dreaded alarm clock awakens me from deep sleep. I lie there, hoping that maybe I set my alarm wrong last night, but then the clock radio begins blaring and I can't deceive myself any longer; it really is time to get up, get ready and go to work. Go to work. This was not how I imagined life would be nearly two years into marriage. I thought my exhaustion in the morning would be because I'd been up half the night with a little one, not because I'm holding down a full time job as well as my primary purpose of being a 'keeper of the home.' However, this is where God has placed us right now. It is essential that I work full time as my Husband begins training for the Ministry and God, in His wisdom has chosen at this time not to bless us with any children. Going to work fulltime, every day is not what I would have chosen to do but I know that it is what I'm meant to be doing right now and that it is only for a season. It has been tough, it is not ideal but here I offer some advice to those who find themselves having to work full time:

1. Know that you can be submissive and work outside the home.

This is something I have struggled with so much. So often the picture of the submissive wife portrayed to us shows a woman who doesn't go out to work. I grew up in a home where my Mum never went out to work and I feel that this is the ideal Biblical model. However, if our Husband has asked us to go to work and it is not just so that we can have luxuries in life but rather it is essential for survival we are being submissive. For me to remain at home at this time would  be unsubmissive. The Proverbs 31 woman is a picture of the ideal, submissive wife. We see however that she worked: “She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.” (Proverbs 31:16 ESV). In their book The Meaning of Marriage Kathy Keller talks of a time when she had to go out to work in the morning and her husband, Tim stayed at home and got the children ready, she comments"... An outsider looking at our marriage may have thought role reversal was going on... although the superficial details of who did what had changed, I was still bringing my gifts as a strong helper to Tim making it possible for him to teach."

2. Don't let your job take over your life.

I work in the bookshop associated with our denomination. Before I was married I worked as a political researcher, it was a much more challenging job than I do now. However it required working at home  after hours and late nights which I really wouldn't want to do now that I'm married. Now when 5.30pm comes I leave work and I don't have to think about it until the next day, I can focus on being a wife and homemaker. In relation to the work carried out by the Proverbs 31 Woman, Claire Smith, in her excellent book God's Good Design comments: "Her family only benefit from her work. There is no sense that they are missing out because she is not there when they need her."

3. Realise that you can't do everything.

Before I was married I was heavily involved in the youth programme at our church. For the first year of marriage I tried to keep as actively involved. Over time I realised that I just couldn't do it. I was exhausted, my Husband was neglected and I was never ever on top of my household duties. I eventually gave everything up except a Bible Study I do with my Husband, it was difficult in some ways as I love doing children's outreach, however I am meant to support my Husband and if other things are stopping me doing that, they have to go. Doing youth work wasn't a bad thing, but it wasn't the best thing, Carolyn Mahaney says in Shopping for Time: “It's frequently these good things that distract us from the best things." As it says in Ecclesiastes 3:1 "For everything there is a season..." This is a season in which I have to love and support my Husband and work outside the home, therefore something has to go.

4. Go straight home after work.

Often it is common for people to meet up after work for dinner or aerobics or whatever. It may offend people when you say that you’re not going; but your ultimate role is to be at home, with your Husband. In Proverbs 17:24 it says "The discerning sets his face toward wisdom, but the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth.” This means that wisdom sees the things straight in front of us while foolishness looks to things that are "out there". In relation to this Elizabeth George comments: "The wise woman sees the value of being at home."

5. Pray for contentment.

I never imagined that this is where I would be. It is easy to be frustrated  and  this can have a knock on into both the work we do within and without the home. We need to realise that this is where God has chosen for us to be at this time and we are to glorify Him in every task that we do, whether that be cooking dinner at home for our Husband or answering the phone for the umpteenth time in our workplace outside the home.

6. Speak highly of your Husband and remember that he is ultimately the one you submit to.

The work place is full of people making jokes about 'useless husbands' or complaints about their wives. Don't participate. Use this season of working outside the home as an opportunity to show wives that they should respect their husbands. Try and reflect the beauty of Christian marriage to those you come into contact with. Remember that your boss doesn't require that you submit to him in the same way you submit to your husband as it says “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”(Ephesians 5:22 ESV). Our bosses and colleagues require respect but ultimately if we have to make a decision, such as for example working overtime, we should ask our Husbands first, not automatically do what our boss says.

Linking to Growing Home